My Coming Out Story + Advice

Sunday was National coming out day, which got me thinking about my own coming out story, and how there are many LGBT+ people out there who have not come out and are not sure how to tell people, or are just coming to terms with their identity. On my blog and on Twitter, I am very open about being a gay woman and talk honestly about my experiences. However, as a teenager, I struggled with my sexuality and felt that I couldn't talk about it due to fear of being judged. I did have a fairly positive experience with coming out, and it could be the same for you.

I would like to start by saying that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with being unsure of who you are, whether it's gender or sexuality. 

How I magically realised I was a lesbian:

When I was 11, I started an all girls secondary school and straight away, I had a crush on a girl for the first time. I remember feeling quite scared- I had just started a new school where I didn't know most people and I was terrified of what people would think. I didn't want to be considered different as I'd been bullied in primary school. What did this mean? Did this mean I was a lesbian? I'd only ever heard that word thrown around in a negative context before, like it was something really bad or embarrassing. However, I knew I'd never looked at a boy the way I looked at this girl. I wanted to be around her all the time and thought she was lovely and funny. 

Throughout the rest of high school I didn't tell anyone about my feelings, but they were always in the background of my mind. In this heteronormative environment (where people assume you are straight.) I honestly believed my attraction to girls was a phase. Out of school I sometimes kissed boys, and had my first kiss with a girl at 15. I just played it off saying that girls could kiss girls and be straight, but deep down, I knew I really, really liked it. 

I had no role models who were LGBT, there was very little LGBT representation in the media at the time. (I say this like it was years ago, it was literally 2013 ha) I also didn't know any openly gay feminine women. It sounds pretty stupid now, because obviously how you dress and present yourself has no correlation to sexuality, but at the time, I never saw myself represented. 

Fast forward to 17 and after a failed relationship with a boy, I started watching a lot of gay youtubers and consuming a lot of LGBT media. That year the beauty vlogger Ingrid Nilsen posted her coming out video. Seeing someone who was proudly a lesbian and had an interest in fashion and beauty was great representation and make me think about my own identity. Like something clicked in my brain that said, "it's okay to like girls. You could be gay."

At 18, I decided to come out to my Grandma as gay. I knew she would be accepting as one of her sons is gay. I then came out to my mum and dad and a few weeks later started university, where I decided I was going to be fully and completely myself with everyone I met. Most people were very accepting and lovely, however a few others seemed shocked and went completely quiet. Eventually, I did find my tribe, I joined the women's football team at university (very stereotypical I know) but this where I met a lovely group of friends I could be myself around, and no one batted an eyelid if you were dating or girl or a boy. That was amazing for me. 

At 21 I had my first proper girlfriend, and in the last couple of years I have felt completely comfortable with who I am. 

My advice:

- Try coming out to just one person you know will be accepting

Like I did, you don't have to jump in at the deep end and tell literally everyone you know, you can just start with one person who you know will have a positive reaction. Maybe you have an aunt or a cousin who is gay, or a friend who you know has been to Pride. Or someone online (like me!) this can build up your confidence. 

- Only come out when you are 100% safe and ready.

A lot of people preach that everyone who is LGBT should just come out and be themselves, but the reality is it's not that simple for some people. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable. I would love to live in a world where coming out and sexuality is no big deal and people just tell the people in their life who they are dating. If you're not out yet, for whatever reason, it's okay. 

- You will always find people who will accept you and love you

If the absolute worse case scenario happens and your family and friends do have an issue with your sexuality or gender identity, you will meet your chosen family. 

Hope you enjoyed this post and it helped you in some way or changed your viewpoint. If you want someone to talk to my DM's on Twitter are always open (@melissajordank) otherwise I have linked some organisations who may be able to help.

Support:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-and-advice

https://lgbt.foundation/how-we-can-help-you

https://lgbt.foundation/comingout

https://switchboard.lgbt/

Lesbian 101: Managing a Long Distance Relationship

One of the biggest lesbian stereotypes is that we always get into long distance relationships. To be fair, we have a much smaller dating pool so long distance relationships are a lot more likely.

In September, my and my girlfriend Abbie will have been together for a year. However, we have spent four months apart. When we met Abbie was living in student accommodation in Manchester quite close to where I live, so we were regularly going on dates and I stayed over quite regularly. Abbie moved out of her student accommodation in March when the country went into lockdown, so since then we've been doing the long distance thing. At first, it was so difficult and I thought we would struggle as I'd been so used to seeing each other all the time and practically living together. Over the last four months, though, we have managed to maintain a happy and healthy relationship without seeing each other in the flesh.

- Remember that it's not forever
Think about the future. You won't be apart forever so look forward to when you can spend time together. If you're both isolating separately, remember that restrictions will soon be lifted and hopefully soon this pandemic will be over. At the start of lockdown, Abbie said to me, 'this isn't the end, it's just the beginning.' Ridiculously cheesy, but its true.

- Have a plan to see each other
I'm planning to get the train to Sheffield to see Abbie in a few weeks, which is always something to look forward to when I'm missing her.

- Check in with each other every day
You don't have to be in constant contact, but it's good to check in with each other at least once a day. I often work long hours and Abbie has football training several hours a week so we can't always have long conversation, however just checking how you partner is can go a long way.

- Zoom is your best friend
Sounds very obvious but it always cheers me up to see Abbie's face when we video chat. It gives me butterflies just as much as seeing her in real life (Aww)

What I've Learnt About Fashion Blogging

I first discovered fashion blogging when I was 12. I've had a few different blogs (Most of them pretty terrible) and thankfully long deleted. At 22, although I still have a lot to learn, I think I have picked up some knowledge of blogging along the way.

DON'T JUST WRITE ABOUT FASHION

Fashion doesn't exist in a vacuum. People reading fashion blogs these days want to see more than just clothes, write about lifestyle, culture, travel, beauty and anything that inspires you. However, try and stick to a niche.

PINTEREST IS YOUR BEST FRIEND

This website is amazing, I can't rave about it enough. Not only is it a great place to gather visual inspiration (and save recipes that you'll never make.) It is one of the most effective websites for promoting your blog. Some of the best blog posts to promote are blogging advice, recipes, DIY's and how to's and list posts. I think in the future I will do a post on how to increase your blog views with Pinterest.

INVEST IN A GOOD THEME

If your design is messy or you are using a free layout from blogger or WordPress, this can put people off, and they may not want to click on your blog again. It's definitely worth spending a bit on a good theme. 

CREATE A VISION BOARD

It may sound a little cheesy but this can help get you focused and give you a visual idea of the direction you want your blog to go in. I use Adobe illustrator for  mood boards but free websites like Canva and Adobe Spark are great too.

WORK ON YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE

All bloggers these days have Instagram, twitter and Pinterest. With Instagram and Twitter, people want to see the interesting parts of your life and personality. Try and stick to the same theme and branding of your blog, for example, I try to post mostly pink and quirky images with the occasional snapshot of my daily life. Create separate accounts from your personal accounts. Don't aggressively promote your blog, talk about your interests and life and support other bloggers.

HAVE A LIST OF BLOG POST IDEAS FOR WHEN YOUR FEELING UNINSPIRED 

There are always times where we struggle for ideas but still want to try and write something. Keeping a list can help you get 

DON'T WORRY ABOUT PAGEVIEWS

When I first started blogging I used to worry that no one was reading my blog. I think that all bloggers can get this feeling from time to time, however you need to push past it. Very few bloggers are overnight successes, it takes years to build a following.

DON'T GIVE UP

Remind yourself why you started in the first place, and why you've kept going for this long. You need to have patience. I believe that if you work hard, your time will come.

What other advice would you add to the list?

How To Stay Sane During Social Distancing

Picture credit: @sophierosebrampton
Hello. I am, like many other people am feeling very anxious at the moment due to the outbreak of Covid-19. We have no idea how bad this virus is going to get and it's normal to feel worried. It is also making people feel lonely and isolated. Festivals, concerts, holidays and sports are being cancelled. Although it may seem difficult, it is hugely important right now to practice social distancing to stop to spread of the virus.

- Channel your creative energy
I personally am going to be throwing myself into blogging, as it is a creative outlet and a portfolio of my writing. Some other ideas are scrapbooking, painting and sewing. What you make doesn't have to be amazing, as long as you enjoy it.

- Spend time with a pet
Pet owners on average have lower stress levels, plus dogs and cats can't catch or spread the coronavirus so you can spend as much time with them as you like!

- Clean your room
This isn't the most fun thing on this list, I won't lie, however cleaning can be very therapeutic. A tidy space equals a tidy mind. To make it less overwhelming try breaking up the different small tasks, e.g, making your bed, sorting out your wardrobe, cleaning make up brushes, hoovering etc.

- Read books
I've been trying to read more and social distancing is the perfect excuse. Books can provide escapism and can get you away from constantly looking at screens.

- Have a social media break
Reading too much on social media can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially with a lot of false and misleading information around. The news about the virus is everywhere, it can feel difficult to escape from it. However, staying off social media for a couple of hours each day can ease the anxiety.

- Make a to do list
This can make you feel productive, even if you aren't actually being that productive.

- Talk to friends/family (digitally)
Reach out to someone if your feeling lonely, especially elderly family members and family members you don't see very often.

- Think about the exciting things you can do when this is all over
Things may not be great now, but hopefully soon, things will be back to normal. We will go on nights out again, festivals will happen again. Football will be back, weddings will happen, we will go out freely. Things that we used to take for granted before.

Stay safe everyone,

For advice on the coronavirus from the NHS, follow this link.

2020 Blogging Bucket List

Recently I have fallen back in love with blogging. As we start a new year, and a whole new decade, there a few things I would really like to achieve.

REACH 1,000+ FOLLOWERS ON INSTAGRAM
This is quite an ambitious goal, considering I've got a very long way to go (972, to be exact) but you've got to start start somewhere!

GET A DECENT CAMERA (+ LIGHT)
Although I believe writing is everything when it comes to blogging, you can't have an amazing, successful blog without decent photography. I'm also hoping to get a soft box, an affordable one of course.

BECOME SELF HOSTED
I'm planning to make the jump from blogger to wordpress (Sorry blogger, it's not you, it's me, it's time to move on) It makes me so happy to be the owner of thefashionfemmeblog.com, so becoming self hosted is something I am working on, it will defintely be worth it! Also if anyone has any advice for doing this it would be very appreciated.

SHOW OTHER BLOGGERS SOME MORE LOVE
I read a LOT of blog posts, however, remembering to leave a comment is something that I find quite hard. Plus when you show other bloggers some love, they are way more likely to return the favour, which is lovely for everyone!

GROW MY FOLLOWING ON PINTEREST
I LOVE pinterest. I spend wayy too much of my free time on there. It's great- you can find anything on there. But in 2020 I'm planning to spend a little less time pinning ideas for my dream home and a little more time promoting my little blog.

POST EVERY WEEK
Ok, I know I did say that I wasn't going to promise weekly blog posts, as I don't want to make promises I can't keep. However, I've had a change of heart. When I think about it at the end of 2020 if I've written and published 52 high quality blog posts (or even more) I'd be hugely proud of myself.

WORK WITH A BRAND I LOVE
Working with brands is a huge dream of mine, studying fashion business at university has given me an interest in doing this.

HAVE MORE CONSISTENT BRANDING
As I've mentioned before, I study fashion, this has made me realise the importance of having good branding. Having a consistent colour palette, using the same fonts and having a clear aesthetic is crucial for businesses, so this is something that I want to work towards.

Advice For University Freshers 2019

A picture of me in first year back in my pink hair days, awfully tragic I know.
Hi babes, today I thought I would share a bit of advice for those starting university in September. Having been at university for what feels like 9 years and have experienced both living in halls, commuting from home and living in a flat, I feel like I can impart some pretty good wisdom to you soon to be freshers.

- Don't buy a freshers wristband
This especially relevant if you're going to uni in a big city like Manchester, you may find that half the events your flatmates or the people you make friends with don't want to go to, or you want to go to other places that aren't on the wristband. Honestly as someone going into their fourth (gulp) year of university overall, I have found that many freshers events are over hyped and you and your friends will probably find other fun nights to go to that aren't as expensive.

- Join a sports team or society
I know some of you may feel like you are the least sporty person in the world so this might not be relevant to you, but genuinely you will make amazing friends on a sports team and most unis have something for everyone such as cheerleading, pole dance, water polo, netball, martial arts and equestrian. I joined Women's Football and it's probably the best decision I made while at uni. And sign up for tour!! This is where you go on holiday with all the other sports teams at uni (best week of your life trust me)

- Don't feel like you need to be having loads of sex
Not to sound like your mum or anything, but this one is important. It may seem like every single person at uni and their cat is having sex 24/7 and it's easy to feel inexperienced but this isn't always the case, be your own person. Genuinely not everyone is having 5 one night stands a week.
But it's okay if you want to!! Make yourself aware of the nearest sexual health clinic and get tested regularly. Use condoms if you're having sex with boys (some people do it, apparently)

- Download the uber app and local taxi company apps
This makes it easy and safe to get yourself home on nights out. You can set up uber to paypal or your bank card so you don't have to worry about saving money for a taxi or having to go to a cash machine at 3am. If you end up losing your friends (or your friend decides to pull) you can easily get yourself home without having to worry.

- Bring fancy dress
As I mentioned before, If you join a society and go to a lot of socials you will need a lot of fancy dress as there probably will be a new theme almost every week. To avoid spending ridiculous amounts of money, be sure to pack things from home that you can use, i.e- tutu, face paints, glitter, school tie, headbands, army style top. You can easily DIY really cool costumes as well.

- Download the unidays app and make the most of student discounts
If you've read my blog before you'll know that I have a fair few missguided parcels delivered which can become very pricey so if this is you, always make sure to get student discount, the best way to do this is through the unidays app. There are loads of great discounts for retailers such as Topshop (10% off) Asos (up to 70% off) and even Virgin Trains (34% off)

- You don't have to drink if you don't want to
I know this may be slightly out of character advice for me, if you don't want to drink you really don't have to. There are actually a lot more non-drinkers than you would think at uni and not drinking definitely doesn't have to stop you make you making friends. If you want to drink do it, but it's no problem if you don't.

Things I Learnt In My Second Year Of Uni

Hi babes,
So my second year is over and I feel like it has gone way too fast! It feels like not long ago I was in college, looking around universities during the open days and being so nervous and worrying about personal statement. Now I'll be graduating in just over a year... eek! It really does go quicker than first year!

Here is everything I learnt...

• A degree is seriously hard work

The first year of your degree normally doesn't count, so when second year rolls around you realise just how much work to put in to complete a degree, it really freaks you out at first! You get so much coursework and so much to learn and revise if you're doing exams. If you miss too many lectures it can be so hard to catch up, and you can get stuck in a vicious cycle of missing uni to catch up on uni, which, take it from me, it EXTREMELY stressful. I'm not saying you need to have 100% perfect attendance (I would be a huge hypocrite if I said that.) Just try and attend as much as you can, escpically lectures for modules you find difficult, and ask your lecturers for help, something I definitely should have done more of this year. Try and get in the library as much as you can, but have breaks and take time out for yourself, too.

A trend board I did as part of a portfolio assignment

• Say yes to things more, make the most of opportunities

When your at uni there are just so many opportunities offered to you, such as volunteering, being part of societies and sports teams, being a course rep, going on trips, and a lot more. I definitely wish I would have taken up more of these opportunities, uni is all about making new experiences that may not be offered to you later on in life. Just remember not to take on too much or you may not be able to fit it in to your timetable. You don't to overwhelm yourself, or have so many responsibilities that your grades suffer. The best things I did were joining the Women's Football team, and going on tour to Croatia. Wish I'd have done some non football related things though!

Pool party in Porec, Croatia on sports club tour

• You won't be able to go out as much as you did in first year

In all honestly I wasn't out all the time in first year, because I wasn't close with my flatmates and I'm quite a socially shy person so I didn't make that many friends. However, I had to say no to a lot of nights out in the last year (probably should have said no to more, tbh.) It sucks to see your friends posting on their stories about how much fun they're having, but you have to remember that when you've got your degree everything will be worth it in the end.

• Apply for internships and work experience

This is a big one. It's good to get some experience on your CV before you graduate, so get applying and find some experience during the summer or for a full year if your course offers a placement year. (This is an indirect to me. Melissa get some work experience)

• Take time out for things you enjoy

This is something I definitely need to work on, I'm very passionate about photography, sewing, styling and blogging and other creative things outside my course but I've not really been putting in enough time for those things. It's hugely important to make time for the things you love, a lot of this is just time management and getting your assignments done in plenty of time so you've got more time for hobbies. Then I can spend more time with my little baby (this blog)

Hope you enjoyed this post, let me know what you thought! Are you at university, or will you be starting in September? I'm spending a lot of time at the moment watching the women's world cup games so do follow me on twitter (@melissajordank) for my hilarious and sassy commentary. See you next time,

My University Experience and Advice For Freshers

Hi babes, welcome back to The Fashion Femme and thanks for stopping by. In this post I will be talking about my first year at university studying Fashion Buying and Merchandising at the Manchester Fashion Institute at MMU. I have honestly had such a great year academically and socially. If your starting university this year, or plan to go in the future, I hope this will be helpful! There are so many different fashion degrees these days, maybe buying is the right option for you?

Studying Fashion

When I tell people what course I do they usually say, "what's that?!" well basically, I've been learning creative skills to be able to put together fashion collections (which comes very easy to me) the business side of the retail industry and fiance and costing. Which included a maths element, which is definitely not my favourite subject! It's not an easy course, takes a lot of hard work and determination. 

However, I have really enjoyed it, my favourite module has been Business Communications as I have learned about different retail brands, pr and marketing and social media which has strengthened my passion for blogging.  Having a bit of knowledge of Adobe programmes, like Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign can really help you out on any fashion course, as everything is digital these days.

It's important to pick a course you are passionate about, obviously you need to get a job at the end of it, but you will be studying this for 3/4 years so you need to really enjoy it!

One of the assignments I really enjoyed was this one where we had to research the target customer of missguided, create trend boards, research fabrics and look into costing to build a collection. It's important to immerse yourself in fashion industry, so sign up to drapers, retail week, read WGSN and all different magazines.

I'm so excited for Level 5, learning more product development and applying for placements! Hopefully I will spend half my placement in London, half in Manchester working in a buying office or in Marketing. It's been my dream since I was doodling designs in primary school to work in fashion, now it's slowly starting to happen... eeek!

Joining a sports team

 - Very happy considering we got beat 6-0?
One of the best pieces of advice I can give to to-be freshers starting university is join a sports team. You will meet (hopefully) an amazing group of people who you will become close friends with, which is especially good when you have moved to a new place. I decided to join football at university and that's honestly the best decision I could have made. My football girls are amazing and I don't know what I would have done without them! Not only do you get to play a sport, there a nights out every Wednesday that are literally epic and if your team is anything like mine, pub night on Thursday and most other nights of the week, tbh.

So if you've always wanted to try rounders, cheerleading, pole dance, rugby, equestrian, have a look at the sports fair. You will have the best year ever! Which brings us to the next section...

Going on tour

Most athletic unions at universities in the UK go on TOUR. Where you, all your teammates and all the other clubs in the university go to Europe for a week to play sport, that's what you tell your mum anyway. It's basically like going to Ibiza, but with the uni football girls and you spend the whole time writing obscenities on each others arm and forcing vodka down freshers throats.

Plus, it's fancy dress every night, seeing the nightlife of Croatia whilst dressed as a carrot, or a Pokemon is not an experience you get very often. Also initiation isn't so bad, it's on the beach and your steaming, and deffo worth it to meet all 10/10  rugby girls/boys/whatever floats your boat- lets face it.

Living in Halls/Houses

Sooo, I didn't have the best experience in halls, hopefully you will have better experience than me. I think the best advice I can give is make the best effort you can to make friends with your flatmates, such as creating a group chat, ask them about their plans for freshers and try to arrange nights out, etc. 

If you're really not happy with your flat, go to the accommodation office and arrange to move as soon as possible. Also don't rush into signing a contract for a second year house, and make sure your really happy to live your housemates.

Final words of (sort of) wisdom

Any other questions or if you want to have a chat about anything, tweet me @melxssajordan, I will reply as soon as I can!