My Coming Out Story + Advice

Sunday was National coming out day, which got me thinking about my own coming out story, and how there are many LGBT+ people out there who have not come out and are not sure how to tell people, or are just coming to terms with their identity. On my blog and on Twitter, I am very open about being a gay woman and talk honestly about my experiences. However, as a teenager, I struggled with my sexuality and felt that I couldn't talk about it due to fear of being judged. I did have a fairly positive experience with coming out, and it could be the same for you.

I would like to start by saying that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with being unsure of who you are, whether it's gender or sexuality. 

How I magically realised I was a lesbian:

When I was 11, I started an all girls secondary school and straight away, I had a crush on a girl for the first time. I remember feeling quite scared- I had just started a new school where I didn't know most people and I was terrified of what people would think. I didn't want to be considered different as I'd been bullied in primary school. What did this mean? Did this mean I was a lesbian? I'd only ever heard that word thrown around in a negative context before, like it was something really bad or embarrassing. However, I knew I'd never looked at a boy the way I looked at this girl. I wanted to be around her all the time and thought she was lovely and funny. 

Throughout the rest of high school I didn't tell anyone about my feelings, but they were always in the background of my mind. In this heteronormative environment (where people assume you are straight.) I honestly believed my attraction to girls was a phase. Out of school I sometimes kissed boys, and had my first kiss with a girl at 15. I just played it off saying that girls could kiss girls and be straight, but deep down, I knew I really, really liked it. 

I had no role models who were LGBT, there was very little LGBT representation in the media at the time. (I say this like it was years ago, it was literally 2013 ha) I also didn't know any openly gay feminine women. It sounds pretty stupid now, because obviously how you dress and present yourself has no correlation to sexuality, but at the time, I never saw myself represented. 

Fast forward to 17 and after a failed relationship with a boy, I started watching a lot of gay youtubers and consuming a lot of LGBT media. That year the beauty vlogger Ingrid Nilsen posted her coming out video. Seeing someone who was proudly a lesbian and had an interest in fashion and beauty was great representation and make me think about my own identity. Like something clicked in my brain that said, "it's okay to like girls. You could be gay."

At 18, I decided to come out to my Grandma as gay. I knew she would be accepting as one of her sons is gay. I then came out to my mum and dad and a few weeks later started university, where I decided I was going to be fully and completely myself with everyone I met. Most people were very accepting and lovely, however a few others seemed shocked and went completely quiet. Eventually, I did find my tribe, I joined the women's football team at university (very stereotypical I know) but this where I met a lovely group of friends I could be myself around, and no one batted an eyelid if you were dating or girl or a boy. That was amazing for me. 

At 21 I had my first proper girlfriend, and in the last couple of years I have felt completely comfortable with who I am. 

My advice:

- Try coming out to just one person you know will be accepting

Like I did, you don't have to jump in at the deep end and tell literally everyone you know, you can just start with one person who you know will have a positive reaction. Maybe you have an aunt or a cousin who is gay, or a friend who you know has been to Pride. Or someone online (like me!) this can build up your confidence. 

- Only come out when you are 100% safe and ready.

A lot of people preach that everyone who is LGBT should just come out and be themselves, but the reality is it's not that simple for some people. You shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable. I would love to live in a world where coming out and sexuality is no big deal and people just tell the people in their life who they are dating. If you're not out yet, for whatever reason, it's okay. 

- You will always find people who will accept you and love you

If the absolute worse case scenario happens and your family and friends do have an issue with your sexuality or gender identity, you will meet your chosen family. 

Hope you enjoyed this post and it helped you in some way or changed your viewpoint. If you want someone to talk to my DM's on Twitter are always open (@melissajordank) otherwise I have linked some organisations who may be able to help.

Support:

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-and-advice

https://lgbt.foundation/how-we-can-help-you

https://lgbt.foundation/comingout

https://switchboard.lgbt/

Creative Activities To Try During Lockdown

Recently I've got a sewing machine and I've got back into making clothes and I'm really enjoying it. I studied Fashion at college although until recently I haven't been on a sewing machine for nearly 4 years and I've really missed it. I just love to make beautiful things. 

It looks like COVID restrictions are going to be around for a while longer and we may be heading for a second lockdown. Here in Greater Manchester we've been on local lockdown for some time. However, that doesn't mean the rest of the year is cancelled. Being creative is a great way to improve your mental health. I struggle with anxiety and I find that doing a creative project is great for calming down my anxiety, because all my energy is focused on doing that project and it can really take my find off things. 

If you don't know where to start, I would really recommend checking out Pinterest. Pinterest is full of DIY projects and cool ideas. And YouTube is great if you're trying to learn a new skill.

This is also a great time to get back to blogging. If you don't have a blog, why not start one?

Here's some great creative activities to try:

- Write a blog post

- Sew a skirt

- Learn pattern cutting

- Do some drawing

- Do some hand embroidery

- Try digital drawing. 

- Practice fashion illustration

- Go outside and take some pictures

- Practice a new makeup look

- Work on your Pinterest boards

- Start a scrapbook

- Create pins for Pinterest

- Edit some photos

- Customise an edit of clothing

- Learn how to knit

- Make some Christmas cards (it will be here before you know it!)

- Make a vision board

- Make some graphics for your blog

- Build a house in The Sims

- Tie Dye a t-shirt

- Redesign blog theme

 Is there anything else you would add to the list?

Revolution Ultra Blush Sugar and Spice Review

I'm 22 and I've just started wearing blusher. Is that weird? I think I was scared of using it in the past because I didn't want to look bright pink. I've managed to find the right balance now, and realised that it can actually look really cute and can add the finishing touches to a makeup look. 

Revolution are a brand I've bought from a few years, their products are normally very high quality and excellent value. I find a lot of their makeup to be higher quality than some high end brands. Previously I have bought a lot of their eyeshadow palettes and loved them.

There is a really nice variety of shades, from natural nudes to cute peach and stand out shimmery lilac and pink shades. 

SWATCHES

They are all gorgeous colours and highly pigmented. By far the stand out shade is the lilac one, the colour is beautiful and it is also quite unique. The shades can also be mixed together very well. However, some of them are a little too dark and bold for me to wear regularly. 

FINAL VERDICT

I think this is a great palette, I absolutely love most of the shades apart from a few which are a bit too dark. Will definitely be using regularly, and is a great price at £6.00.

Have you ever used this palette? What other products are you loving at the moment?

5 Beauty Essentials For August

This year I've really decluttered my makeup collection and only really kept the products I use on a regular basis and that I really love. During lockdown I've worn way less makeup, and my skin has thanked my for it. I've also started trying to stick to skincare routine. I'm never going to be an MUA, but I can just about put makeup on my own face and I've really learnt what products work for me.
So, here's what products I recommend for August...

NYX worth the hype mascara

This has been my go to mascara for quite a while. If you want a lengthening mascara that gives you luscious long lashes this is amazing. With a couple of coats it looks almost as good as false lashes! It also makes your lashes look beautifully natural and isn't gloopy at all.

NYX white eyeshadow base

If you want your eyeshadow look to stay put all day and all night, I couldn't recommend this enough. This also helps the colour of the eyeshadow to stand out. This is a must product, I can't apply eyeshadow without it now.

Revolution matte base foundation

During lockdown, I realised I don't actually need to wear foundation every day. However when I do wear it, this is my go to. This foundation also comes in a huge range of inclusive shades to suit every skin tone. This provides amazing coverage and is a bargain at just £5!

Simple triple protect moisturiser SPF 30

We've had a lot of warm weather at the moment so I was looking for an SPF moisturiser to protect my skin whilst working all the day in the sun. My skin can get quite dry from time to time so this gives it some much needed moisturiser. This is also a great product for sensitive skin, I personally find that some face moisturisers are to heavy and harsh on my skin.

NYX micro brow pencil

Beauty salons have been closed most of the year due to lockdown, and in that time I have established that I am absolutely terrible at doing my own eyebrows. Horrendous. I'm always very nervous about using product on my eyebrows as I'm worried it will go terribly wrong. However, this product isn't too dark and always really tops of my makeup looks.

And my makeup bag...

Disney X Skinnydip Thumper makeup bag - £15.00

What beauty products are you loving at the moment? Let me know in the comments below!

SkinnyDip London Wishlist August 2020

During lockdown I have saved so much money, mostly from not buying clothes! This time has made me realise I don't need to buy so much stuff I don't really need. However, as I'm venturing out of the house a bit more now, I do want some new clothes to wear.

SkinnyDip is such a cute brand, I own so many items from there, in fact I have a post up on my blog of my SkinnyDip bag collection, and it's already grown since I posted it! I have to have some self control on there website because otherwise I'd be skint from everything on there. 

- Disney X SkinnyDip Marie Jumper

Marie is one of my favourite Disney characters and this jumper would be great for wearing on a cooler summer day (it's not exactly a heatwave in the UK.) It would also transition into Autumn/Winter nicely. 

- Disney X SkinnyDip Thumper Makeup Bag

With not leaving the house much in lockdown I've got used to not wearing much lockdown. However, since I've gone back to work I've been wearing more makeup and in need of a new makeup bag. I love holographic material and this has such a gorgeous design.

- Talk To The Palm Cushion

I have a very cosy vibe in my bedroom and can't get enough cushions. I love the print and the quirky style of this cushion.

- Petrol Sequin Halter Top

Although parties are cancelled for while, (especially in greater Manchester where I live.)  This would be such a cute top to put away for a future occasion. Roll on summer 2021!

- Sparkle Mini Skirt

So as you can probably tell, I really, really like sequins. Only trouble is, you lose quite a lot of them on the dance floor on a night out. I think this will be another item that will sadly not get an outing until next summer. But it is so dreamy!

- Rainbow Makeup Brush Set

With wearing makeup more often, I need a full kit of brushes too. I love glitter so this kit looks perfect for me!

Lesbian 101: Managing a Long Distance Relationship

One of the biggest lesbian stereotypes is that we always get into long distance relationships. To be fair, we have a much smaller dating pool so long distance relationships are a lot more likely.

In September, my and my girlfriend Abbie will have been together for a year. However, we have spent four months apart. When we met Abbie was living in student accommodation in Manchester quite close to where I live, so we were regularly going on dates and I stayed over quite regularly. Abbie moved out of her student accommodation in March when the country went into lockdown, so since then we've been doing the long distance thing. At first, it was so difficult and I thought we would struggle as I'd been so used to seeing each other all the time and practically living together. Over the last four months, though, we have managed to maintain a happy and healthy relationship without seeing each other in the flesh.

- Remember that it's not forever
Think about the future. You won't be apart forever so look forward to when you can spend time together. If you're both isolating separately, remember that restrictions will soon be lifted and hopefully soon this pandemic will be over. At the start of lockdown, Abbie said to me, 'this isn't the end, it's just the beginning.' Ridiculously cheesy, but its true.

- Have a plan to see each other
I'm planning to get the train to Sheffield to see Abbie in a few weeks, which is always something to look forward to when I'm missing her.

- Check in with each other every day
You don't have to be in constant contact, but it's good to check in with each other at least once a day. I often work long hours and Abbie has football training several hours a week so we can't always have long conversation, however just checking how you partner is can go a long way.

- Zoom is your best friend
Sounds very obvious but it always cheers me up to see Abbie's face when we video chat. It gives me butterflies just as much as seeing her in real life (Aww)

What's In My Lockdown Sketchbook?

Have you been keeping creative in Lockdown? I set myself the challenge of keeping a sketchbook/scrapbook as a hobby to keep me entertained. I tried to a new page every day, and I was mostly successful! The materials I have been using have been coloured fineliner, acrylic paints, pencils and collaging.

This sketchbook is most experimentation and rough sketches and not that much refined work. It can feel very daunting to just get a brand new fresh sketchbook and start to work in it, because where do you start? When I'm struggling for inspiration I normally look on Pinterest, or do rough sketches of items around me. If you still have some spare time, I would definitely recommend getting a sketchbook, just think it would be great to look through when you've finally completed it!

This is the most artwork I've done since I studied art in college and I really enjoyed it, so I'll definitely be continuing (Once I've got a new sketchbook!) It's great to just be creative without it being for a grade so you don't have to worry too much about it looking perfect.

Pink page- collaging

Detailed fineliner drawing of a flower postcard

Experimenting with collage and paint

Blue and red colour experimentation

Primary colours and shapes painting with collage. This was very hard to make neat and not look too messy. However, I'm very pleased with the results.

Rough sketches remind me of my days at college studying art. I tried to make this page look neat and refined with the brown paper and the colour story.

All yellow page and rainbow tiling exercise. I really want to do more of this.

Trying acrylic painting with fineliner drawing over the top. I'm not very good at acrylic painting and definitely prefer watercolour painting. However I'm quite pleased with the picture on the right.  

I drew over a postcard and then did rough sketches on the right. I really like the drawing style I'm starting to develop.

Summer Fashion Trends To Look Forward To

Hi babes, 

I hope everyone is well and staying safe. At the moment we don't know when the UK lockdown is going to last, but it looks like it is going to last for a while longer. Hopefully it won't be too long and life will start to go back to normal.

A lot of us are starting to think about things we can do when the lockdown is lifted. There are many things that we can all look forward to, such as seeing friends and family, nights out and parties.

At the moment I don't really encourage buying non essential items such as clothing (unless you really need it.) However it's not to early to start thinking about what we will wear after lockdown. 

I have identified the two main fashion trends of S/S 20- Eclectic brights and delicate feminine.

I decided to get creative and make some trend boards which is one of my favourite things to do. 

Seeing the trends and colours laid out is so pleasing to me. 

This trend is more flamboyant and quirky than ordinary neons. Sequins and art-inspired pieces dominated the catwalks at Ashish and Moschino. Lime green, yellow, coral, electric blue and bright pink are some of the key colours for the season.

This trend is all about being dainty and delicate but with an edge, as seen on the Gucci and Molly Goddard catwalks.

What I've Learnt About Fashion Blogging

I first discovered fashion blogging when I was 12. I've had a few different blogs (Most of them pretty terrible) and thankfully long deleted. At 22, although I still have a lot to learn, I think I have picked up some knowledge of blogging along the way.

DON'T JUST WRITE ABOUT FASHION

Fashion doesn't exist in a vacuum. People reading fashion blogs these days want to see more than just clothes, write about lifestyle, culture, travel, beauty and anything that inspires you. However, try and stick to a niche.

PINTEREST IS YOUR BEST FRIEND

This website is amazing, I can't rave about it enough. Not only is it a great place to gather visual inspiration (and save recipes that you'll never make.) It is one of the most effective websites for promoting your blog. Some of the best blog posts to promote are blogging advice, recipes, DIY's and how to's and list posts. I think in the future I will do a post on how to increase your blog views with Pinterest.

INVEST IN A GOOD THEME

If your design is messy or you are using a free layout from blogger or WordPress, this can put people off, and they may not want to click on your blog again. It's definitely worth spending a bit on a good theme. 

CREATE A VISION BOARD

It may sound a little cheesy but this can help get you focused and give you a visual idea of the direction you want your blog to go in. I use Adobe illustrator for  mood boards but free websites like Canva and Adobe Spark are great too.

WORK ON YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE

All bloggers these days have Instagram, twitter and Pinterest. With Instagram and Twitter, people want to see the interesting parts of your life and personality. Try and stick to the same theme and branding of your blog, for example, I try to post mostly pink and quirky images with the occasional snapshot of my daily life. Create separate accounts from your personal accounts. Don't aggressively promote your blog, talk about your interests and life and support other bloggers.

HAVE A LIST OF BLOG POST IDEAS FOR WHEN YOUR FEELING UNINSPIRED 

There are always times where we struggle for ideas but still want to try and write something. Keeping a list can help you get 

DON'T WORRY ABOUT PAGEVIEWS

When I first started blogging I used to worry that no one was reading my blog. I think that all bloggers can get this feeling from time to time, however you need to push past it. Very few bloggers are overnight successes, it takes years to build a following.

DON'T GIVE UP

Remind yourself why you started in the first place, and why you've kept going for this long. You need to have patience. I believe that if you work hard, your time will come.

What other advice would you add to the list?

Self Isolation To Do List

This post was written on 30/03/2020

Like many people I’ve been finding it hard to stay motivated during this time. When you are at home all day every day it can be very easy to spend hours watching Netflix, playing the sims and wearing only pyjamas. That is fine some days, at the moment it is important to care of ourselves. That’s also mostly what I’ve been doing.

We may never this much time to be creative, so this is this perfect opportunity to make the most of it. Starting a creative project can also give you some normality and help you cope mentally.

To help myself (and you) stay busy I’ve decided to write a list of things that would be useful to do during the lockdown. 

WASH MAKEUP BRUSHES AND BEAUTY BLENDERS

Seems like an easy task, however, it needs to be done right? It’s not something I do often enough. So this is your official reminder to do it now.

START A BLOG AND WRITE BLOG POSTS

If you don’t already have a blog, what a more perfect time to start one? It’s a great way to practice writing, share your point of view, be creative and make friends and join a new community.

DO SOME BAKING

This is not something I’m very good at, however, I’m very good at eating them. I think I’ll probably stick to making fairy cakes from a paw patrol mix. Hopefully, you’ll be able to make something better than me.

WORK ON PINTEREST

As a highly visual person, I love Pinterest. It can help to get creative juices flowing. You can also share your own photos and use it to get more traffic on to your blog.

DRAW AND PAINT (DIGITAL AND TRADITIONAL)

I have so many sketchbooks lying around that aren’t being used from previously studying art. Although I’m not very good at drawing I do find it very therapeutic. There a lot of programmes and apps to work on digital drawing. Personally, I use adobe illustrator, but sketchpad is a great free website. 

HAVE A SPRING CLEAN

Not to sound like your mum, but this is the perfect time to tidy your room. If you don’t do it now when will you?

WRITE A DIARY

As we are living through a major historical event, it may be useful to write a diary of your daily life. In the future, people might find it interesting.

WORK ON PHOTOGRAPHY

Photography isn’t my strong point, so I’m going to get some practice in. You can take pictures of flatlays, products, plants, pets and other things around your home.

READ SOME NEW BOOKS AND REVIEW THEM

You can do this on Instagram, twitter, YouTube or a blog. I love discovering new books to read.

How To Stay Sane During Social Distancing

Picture credit: @sophierosebrampton
Hello. I am, like many other people am feeling very anxious at the moment due to the outbreak of Covid-19. We have no idea how bad this virus is going to get and it's normal to feel worried. It is also making people feel lonely and isolated. Festivals, concerts, holidays and sports are being cancelled. Although it may seem difficult, it is hugely important right now to practice social distancing to stop to spread of the virus.

- Channel your creative energy
I personally am going to be throwing myself into blogging, as it is a creative outlet and a portfolio of my writing. Some other ideas are scrapbooking, painting and sewing. What you make doesn't have to be amazing, as long as you enjoy it.

- Spend time with a pet
Pet owners on average have lower stress levels, plus dogs and cats can't catch or spread the coronavirus so you can spend as much time with them as you like!

- Clean your room
This isn't the most fun thing on this list, I won't lie, however cleaning can be very therapeutic. A tidy space equals a tidy mind. To make it less overwhelming try breaking up the different small tasks, e.g, making your bed, sorting out your wardrobe, cleaning make up brushes, hoovering etc.

- Read books
I've been trying to read more and social distancing is the perfect excuse. Books can provide escapism and can get you away from constantly looking at screens.

- Have a social media break
Reading too much on social media can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially with a lot of false and misleading information around. The news about the virus is everywhere, it can feel difficult to escape from it. However, staying off social media for a couple of hours each day can ease the anxiety.

- Make a to do list
This can make you feel productive, even if you aren't actually being that productive.

- Talk to friends/family (digitally)
Reach out to someone if your feeling lonely, especially elderly family members and family members you don't see very often.

- Think about the exciting things you can do when this is all over
Things may not be great now, but hopefully soon, things will be back to normal. We will go on nights out again, festivals will happen again. Football will be back, weddings will happen, we will go out freely. Things that we used to take for granted before.

Stay safe everyone,

For advice on the coronavirus from the NHS, follow this link.